The Snail Who Never Forgave

Odessa Finch beat a snail in a race, and she has regretted it for eleven years.

The course was short: one flagstone, end to end. Odessa finished in under a second. The snail, whose name was Gerald, finished a little after lunch.

A lesser snail would have let the matter drop. Gerald did not. Gerald told the beetles she had false-started. He told the moths she had a running start from behind the bird bath. He told every slug in the district that the flagstone had been tampered with.

How news travels in a garden

Slowly, but with great thoroughness. Within a season, no toad would speak to her. Sparrows looked away. The bees stopped by her window to shake their whole selves in what she was told was disapproval.

The rematch

Odessa eventually offered a rematch, in which she would carry a sack of turnips. Gerald accepted, and on the day of the race she tripped on a hose. It was the greatest upset in the history of the flowerbed. He has a small trophy now, and he still will not let it go.

The moral

Never race anyone who has nothing else to do. If you win, you lose. If you lose, you lose in a way that will be retold at every garden party until the end of time.

Be gracious in the garden, and if you need a reminder, wear it.